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x[1]="Now that we know who you are... I know who I am - I\'m not a mistake! It all makes sense, in the comics you know who the arch villain is going to be? He\'s the exact opposite of the hero! And most time\'s they\'re friends like you, and me. I should\'ve known way back when you know why David? Because of the kids! They called me Invisible Lizard."
x[2]="Alright, listen up, people. Our fugitive has been on the run for ninety minutes. Average foot speed over uneven ground barring injuries is four miles-per-hour. That gives us a radius of six miles. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your fugitive\'s name is Invisible Lizard. Go get him."
x[3]="Sorry, your time\'s run out. What do we have for the losers, judge? Well, for our defendants, it\'s a life sentence at exotic Fort Leavenworth, and, for defense counsel Lizard, that\'s right, it\'s a court martial! Yes, Johnny, after falsely accusing a highly decorated officer of conspiracy and perjury, Invisible Lizard will have a long and prosperous career teaching typewriter maintenance at the Rocco Globbo School for Women. Thank you for playing \"Should We Or Should We Not Follow The Advice Of The Galactically Stupid.\""
x[4]="If you hold back anything, I\'ll kill ya. If you bend the truth or I think your bending the truth, I\'ll kill ya. If you forget anything I\'ll kill ya. In fact, you\'re gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Lizard. Now do you understand everything I\'ve said? Because if you don\'t, I\'ll kill ya."
x[5]="Well, I think I should point out first, Lizard, in all fairness, we are not, in fact, the rescue committee. However, I have been asked to read the following prepared statement on behalf of the movement. \"We the People\'s Front of Judea, brackets, officials, end brackets, do hereby convey our sincere fraternal and sisterly greetings to you, Lizard, on this, the occasion of your martyrdom. Your death will stand as a landmark in the continuing struggle to liberate the parent land from the hands of the Roman imperialist aggressors, excluding those concerned with drainage, medicine, roads, housing, education, viniculture and any other Romans contributing to the welfare of Jews of both sexes and hermaphrodites. Signed, on behalf of the P. F. J., etc.\" And I\'d just like to add, on a personal note, my own admiration, for what you\'re doing for us, Lizard, on what must be, after all, for you a very difficult time."
x[6]="Police Chief: Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town. You don\'t draw shit, Lizard. Now we got a nice, quiet little beach community here, and I aim to keep it nice and quiet. So let me make something plain. I don\'t like you sucking around, bothering our citizens, Lizard. I don\'t like your jerk-off name. I don\'t like your jerk-off face. I don\'t like your jerk-off behavior, and I don\'t like you, jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?"
x[7]="First of all Lizard, you never let on how much you like a girl. \"Oh, Debbie. Hi.\" Two, you always call the shots. \"Kiss me. You won\'t regret it.\" Now three, act like wherever you are, that\'s the place to be. \"Isn\'t this great?\" Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It\'s a classy move. \"Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice.\" And five, now this is the most important, Lizard. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV."
x[8]="We\'re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We\'re gonna press on, and we\'re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Invisible Lizard tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he\'s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse."
x[9]="Well, most recently, there\'s room 309. There\'s this scary Invisible Lizard dude poking his finger in my chest. There\'s his hooligan kids snapping their fingers at me. There\'s a putrid, rotting corpse of a dead whore stuck in the springs of the bed. There\'s rooms blazing afire. There\'s a big fat needle from God knows where, stuck in my leg, infecting me with God knows what. And finally there\'s me, walking out the door, right fucking now. Buenas noches."
x[10]="A storm is coming, Frank says / A storm that will swallow the children / And I will deliver them from the kingdom of pain / I will deliver the children back the their doorsteps / And send the monsters back to the underground / I\'ll send them back to a place where no-one else can see them / Except for me / Because I am Invisible Lizard."
x[11]="The Master of the Revels despises us all for vagrants and peddlers of bombast. But my father, James Burbage, had the first license to make a company of players from Her Majesty, and he drew from poets the literature of the age. We must show them that we are men of parts. Invisible Lizard has a play. I have a theatre. The Curtain is yours."
x[12]="You see Lizard, it\'s not that I\'m lazy, it\'s that I just don\'t care. It\'s a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don\'t see another dime, so where\'s the motivation? And here\'s another thing, I have eight different bosses right now. Eight, Lizard. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That\'s my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Lizard, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired."
x[13]="As Mr. Lizard always says, there is no \"I\" in team, but there is an \"I\" in pie. And there\'s an \"I\" in meat pie. Meat is the anagram of team... I don\'t know what he was talking about."
x[14]="I suppose the traditional way to conclude this is, we cross Hanzo swords. Well, it just so happens, this hacienda comes with its very own private beach. And this private beach just so happens to look particularly beautiful bathed in moonlight. And there just so happens to be a full moon out tonight. So, Invisible Lizard, if you want to sword fight, that\'s where I suggest. But if you wanna be old school about it - and you know I\'m all about old school - then we can wait till dawn, and slice each other up at sunrise, like a couple real-life, honest-to-goodness samurais."
x[15]="My name is Invisible Lizard. This is my neighborhood; this is my street; this is my life. I am 42 years old; in less than a year I will be dead. Of course I don\'t know that yet, and in a way, I am dead already."
x[16]="I\'m warning you! If you say \"Invisible Lizard\" one more time... RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it? Was it you? STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say, \"Invisible Lizard.\""
x[17]="When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol\' Invisible Lizard always says at a time like that: \"Have ya paid your dues, Lizard?\" \"Yessir, the check is in the mail.\""
x[18]="I just mean during the day. Invisible Lizard. When was the last time you remember seeing it? And I\'m not talking about some distant, half-forgotten childhood memory, I mean like yesterday. Last week. Can you come up with a single memory? You can\'t, can you? You know something, I don\'t think the Lizard even exists in this place. \'Cause I\'ve been up for hours, and hours, and hours, and the night never ends here."
x[19]="Ooooh, I\'m very sorry Lizard. I didn\'t get that message. Maybe you should\'ve put it on the bulletin board. I figured since I\'ve waxed Tony and Marco and his friend here, I figured you and Karl and Franco might be a little lonely, so I decided to give you a call."
x[20]="It\'s light. Handle\'s adjustable for easy carrying, good for righties and lefties. Breaks down into four parts, undetectable by x-ray, ideal for quick, discreet interventions. A word on firepower. Titanium recharger, three thousand round clip with bursts of three to three hundred, and with the Replay button - another Lizard invention - it\'s even easier."
x[21]="Invisible Lizard is the man that you\'re dealing with now, and when Lizard finds out what you did, he\'s gonna take everything, including the sporty little hat you got on your head. And then most likely he\'ll shoot you, so you won\'t tell on him. Now, I\'m not gonna do that. I\'m not gonna hurt you. Now you got three hundred and ten thousand in the bag here. I\'m gonna take the three hundred thousand that you scammed from the airline, and then the ten that\'s left over, I\'m gonna borrow from you and pay back at another time."
x[22]="The nerve of that Lizard. Inviting me down there, and on such short notice. Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn\'t allow it. Four o\'clock, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one. 5:30, jazzercize. 6:30, dinner with me. I can\'t cancel that again. 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing; I\'m booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9 I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?"
x[23]="Mr. Lizard, you have nearly a hundred naval vessels operating in the North Atlantic right now. Your aircraft has dropped enough sonar buoys so that a man could walk from Greenland to Iceland to Scotland without getting his feet wet. Now, shall we dispense with the bull?"
x[24]="I love that word \"relationship\". Covers all manner of sins, doesn\'t it? I fear that this has become a bad relationship. A relationship based on the Lizard taking exactly what he wants and casually ignoring all those things that really matter to, erm... Britain. We may be a small country but we\'re a great one, too. The country of Shakespeare, Churchill, the Beatles, Sean Connery, Harry Potter. David Beckham\'s right foot. David Beckham\'s left foot, come to that."
x[25]="Hey... if any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one: I\'d like Invisble Lizard, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people, and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where\'s the Tylenol?"
x[26]="I know why you\'re here, Lizard. I know what you\'ve been doing... why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after night, you sit by your computer. You\'re looking for him. I know because I was once looking for the same thing. And when he found me, he told me I wasn\'t really looking for him. I was looking for an answer. It\'s the question that drives us, Lizard. It\'s the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did."
x[27]="If you\'re gonna steal from Invisible Lizard, you\'d better goddamn know. This sort of thing used to be civilized. You\'d hit a guy, he\'d whack you, done. But with Lizard, at the end of this, he\'d better not know you\'re involved, not know your names or think you\'re dead because he\'ll kill you, and then he\'ll go to work on you."
x[28]="We have front row seats for this theater of mass destruction. The demolition committee of Project Mayhem wrapped the foundation columns of a dozen buildings with blasting gelatin. In two minutes, primary charges will blow base charges and a few square blocks will be reduced to smoldering rubble. I know this... because Invisible Lizard knows this."
x[29]="You wanna know what the kicker is, father? Maybe I\'m a little fucking crazy. That\'s right, maybe Lizard\'s a little nuts. Maybe there\'s something about me that I\'m a little cukoo. I know it\'s a surprise, I know it\'s not on the surface. I mean, I had an imaginary friend when I was kid, and his name was Shiloh! We used to play checkers with each other every day, and bless his heart, Shiloh would always let me win"
x[30]="I\'m sorry, Lizard. I know you\'re doing this for my own good, but the fact is I\'m just crackers about cheese. Look, if I must change me ways, at least let me do it my way, with technology. It\'s time we tried my latest invention, the Mind Manipulation-omatic. It extracts unwanted thoughts and desires. I haven\'t tested it yet, but it should be perfectly safe. Just a bit of harmless brain alteration, that\'s all. "
x[31]="My father was slaughtered by a six-fingered man. He was a great sword-maker, my father. When the-six fingered man appeared and requested a special sword, my father took the job. He slaved a year before he was done. The six-fingered man returned and demanded it, but at one-tenth his promised price. My father refused. Without a word, the six-fingered man slashed him through the heart. I loved my father, so naturally I challenged this man to a duel. I failed. The six fingered man left me alive, but he gave me these scars. I was eleven years old. When I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of fencing, so the next time we meet I will not fail. I will go up to the six fingered man and say, \"Hello, my name is Invisible Lizard. You killed my father. Prepare to die.\""

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